It started innocently enough, my friend says to me one day, " that's some lawn.", Meaning that my lawn needed work. I looked it over and thought, "what? some of its green." Turns out, the green was almost all weeds. Who knew right? After a bit of friendly criticism and sarcasm, I looked at my lawn through somebody else's eyes for the first time in almost 10 years. Yikes !
So what I thought was a green lawn was mostly creeping charlie and crab/quack grass. With very little real grass. "Ok", I thought, "I have a problem. no big deal, its just grass. I'll just get some chemicals." (And yes, that is usually my course of action no matter what problem I face. Just kidding.) So I got some weed-n-feed stuff, went out, followed the instructions. It was a lovely day, I was outside all was well. Days later I see the weeds have gotten greener and taller. So I repeat the spray. Again, lovely day, outside at one with nature. A few more days go by and nothing. So I ask my friend, " What can I do about all these weeds?" She says, " You have to pull them all !" I agreed with her verbally, while silently I was thinking, " Shes obviously insane" She shows me what to pull and how. "Have to get the roots she said." All I can hear is and old German coo-coo clock striking 12:00 She suggested "Every time you go outside to smoke, pull some weeds." Adding to the coo-coo clock, now I'm actually seeing the little birdy come out of the clock and go back in. This made me smile as she was obviously trying to poison my mind with her crazy talk. I had to get a second opinion, I asked a friend, he said, "nope....gotta pull em." Obviously part of the conspiracy. So I went to the one source I knew I could trust not to tell me anything but the truth. My dad. Dad said," Nope, gotta pull em. Make sure you get the roots." So it started easy enough, every time I went outside to smoke, ( I don't smoke in my house anymore.....my mom said she'd "kick my ass if I did" because she helped me repaint and clean) I would pull a hand full of weeds. Again, outside, enjoying ....well...outside. After a while of half assed weed pulling, I saw how much there was to do, and got a little more serious about it. Pulling weeds for a couple of hours at a time. Still, it seems as though I'm not getting anywhere. I call my friend and tell her this and what does she say...."You must not be a very good worker." I can see now that she was joking, but then I took it seriously. Not negatively, but seriously. Maybe I haven't been doing it enough. It was just the motivation I needed.
I have totally changed how I think about this process. Its now more like a military operation. Man and weapons (my little garden shovel and rake) against a formidable foe. At the crack of dawn on the weekends, I've got all my battle gear on - shorts, sleeveless shirt and deck (wet) shoes, and my weapons. In my best R. Lee Ermy ( Full metal Jacket) in head voice, I hear "Men ( I have 10 solders, the 101 Ground reclamation unit) we are at war. The enemy is all around us. This enemy is trying to choke out our allies, cutting off their water supply, encroaching on their space, and stealing their nutrients. It is up to us and us alone to defeat the resistance. You five flank left ! You five flank right!" "MOVE OUT!"
And there I am every weekend day morning, and some weekday mornings before work. Out in my lawn, still wet with dew, bent at the waist pulling furiously. Every now and again I will get a real long root, and this gives me much joy. In fact, I caught myself actually saying out loud, " HAHAHAHA - Gotcha bitch!" A few times. I'm guessing in the end, I will be happy with the effort, and results.
Can't talk now.....gotta go pull weeds.
